November 27, 2024
For many, the holiday season brings joy, but for others, it can evoke feelings of loneliness and disappointment. The recent presidential election has left many feeling invalidated and fearful of what lies ahead. In such a climate, it can be challenging to embrace a celebratory mood, and it’s important to acknowledge and create space for these feelings. Drawing from my decade-long experience as a clinical psychologist and healthcare professional, I’d like to share some tips for managing the stress that often accompanies this time of year.
- Practice compassion with yourself and others. Meet people where they are at and respect their limitations. Your elderly parents may not be physically or mentally able to participate in holiday festivities the way they once could. Your brother who just had a baby may not be sleeping well and not be as involved as he has been in the past. Your partner may be tied up with work and may not help out as much as she would like. Others may simply prefer a quieter, simpler holiday season.
- The holidays may also amplify feelings of loneliness as everyone around you seemingly has a loving family to celebrate with. Lean into your community for support during this time. If you know someone has just relocated to a new city or does not have family or friends in the area, consider including them in your holiday plans if you are able. I cannot tell you how many times clients have expressed feeling less alone in the world by a simple invitation to a social gathering.
- Don’t overschedule yourself or your family or extend yourself beyond your financial means. Give yourself permission to say no and to lean into moments of reflection and gratitude. This is true for so many people and may resonate especially with parents of young kids. As your children grow, they will remember how they felt in your presence above all else.
- Family traditions are a beautiful experience to pass down to the next generation but if the practices become antiquated or not sustainable, it’s okay to begin new traditions and say no to past practices. It’s important to remember that saying no or suggesting a change should never be a cause for shame.
- For many people, the holidays can be a reminder of those who are no longer here. For others, it can bring back painful memories of the past. If you are in this space, carve out time for your grief, but do not isolate completely from your support network. If you know someone grieving, consider reaching out directly.
- Commit to acts of kindness or support to others. We tend to benefit greatly from helping others and this time of year highlights the privileges we have. Remember your support doesn’t always have to be monetary. You can show up for people in so many other ways, like making time to grab a coffee with an old friend, offering to watch a friend’s kids for an afternoon (with their permission, of course), or helping a neighbor by picking up their trash.
- Continue your healthy routines as much as you’re able to, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you are not on schedule perfectly. Commit to sleeping regularly, staying active, and eating in moderation.
- Check in with your work colleagues at this time. Some of them may need support from you for coverage or planned leave time. Others may prefer to work during this time of year and would be happy to support you in taking time off. Work isn’t everything for most people but for many it is a big part of their identity and it can be hard to take time off. For a lot of people, taking regular scheduled days off can reduce feelings of burnout and stress, but for many professionals (e.g., healthcare workers, police force, military), working during the holidays might be unavoidable. If you fall into that category, consider taking time off before or after the holiday season or collaborating on shared coverage.
- Spend time with people who allow you to be your authentic self and take note of how calm or stressed you feel around different groups. Evaluate how support is reciprocated in your relationships and consider setting boundaries with those who take too much from you, seem one-sided, or do not consider your feelings.
- Remember you are not alone. The older I get and the more experience I gain as a clinical psychologist,I’ve come to understand that we are more alike than we realize. Your neighbor wants his children to be safe at school. Your colleague hopes for good health for her parents. Your friend wishes her father could see her children grow up. Our shared humanity is our greatest strength.
In closing, for some,, the holidays come and go, and life quickly returns to normal. For others, it can be a painful reminder that they are not moving forward. If you or a loved one feels stuck, please know help is available. Meeting with a mental health professional can bring you the clarity you need to move forward.